I have to admit that my DH is a wonderful father. He's attentive, playful, encouraging, fun and is very involved in the life of our energetic toddler. As a stay-at-home Mom; I am also involved with nearly every aspect of our son's life and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to be at home with him. Like many stay-at-home parents however, I am also the one that pursues many more of the mundane aspects of parenting. Like the endless loads of laundry, monitoring the tight budget of a family living on one income and of course teaching our child the values, virtues and acceptable behaviours that are important to our family.
The decision for me to stay at home was simple...My DH brought home a more lucrative paycheck than I did and during my maternity leave the company I worked for was sold and restructured. Over 98% of the positions at the company were eliminated (including mine) and employees were payed (or more like pushed) out the door. After calculating the financial costs of child care, transportation, wardrobe essentials, bagged lunches and the countless other costs associated with going back to work it seemed ineffectual for me to return to the workforce. Plus, there were other considerations involved in our decision. We wanted more children and DH and I felt that if we could manage it; we wanted one of us to be at home during our children's primary years.
DH has usually left for work by the time JG wakes most mornings. When DH arrives home each day from work our toddler often greets him at the door with a fanfare befitting the Queen of England. I'm not surprised by this. Envious? Yes! But, not surprised. JG has just spent an entire day under Mommy's watchful eye and he is well aware that I will probably "be there" throughout the evening. Daddy on the other hand seems more like a daily visitor that arrives on gossamer wings to share stories of adventure and, with renewed energy, to play until bedtime. My energy of course has been sucked dry by a day fraught with a list of errands, chores and now first trimester pregnancy fatigue. Who wouldn't be excited by the arrival of "Super Dad" who is destined to save the day. After one of our more grueling days of non-stop discipline or hectic daily agendas I have been known to run to the door myself to greet DH with open arms and cries of "Amen and Hallelujah!" "Thank God reinforcements have arrived!"
It is wonderful to have the help and support of a loving spouse but, I have to admit that I am really getting tired of some of the subtle, yet frequent comments and gestures made by many well-intentioned family members. JG has become known as a "Daddy's Little Boy" amongst many of our family and friends and I am fine with JG being particularly close to his Dad. However, I could live without the many gender-biased innuendos and nuances shared by my family that regularly make me feel like an inadequate mother and caregiver.
Yes, my DH DOES change diapers (even the smelly ones), he dresses, feeds, bathes, disciplines and provides ample cuddles and goodnight kisses to our young son. I expect nothing less when our second child arrives next year. Like me, DH is an INVOLVED parent! Shocking? I think not! I never would have reproduced with a man who wasn't willing to take on the daily tasks and responsibilities of raising a child. In our house Parenthood is a shared partnership not a one-man (or should I say one-woman) show!
But, for some reason changing a diaper or settling our toddler down for a nap are tasks worthy of a standing ovation when my DH does them! Why is this? Is it that amazing that DH has somehow learned to be a competent caregiver over his last 20 months of Fatherhood? Is my DH (or anyone for that matter) really that deserving of a "Gold Star" each time he/she changes a diaper without complaint?
Why then, did I as a new mother always feel like I was supposed to "know it all" from the moment I gave birth to our son? I still feel like I will never achieve "Good Mom" status in the eyes of many family members. Not because I don't try to be the best Mom that I can be but, because the expectations are simply unattainable for ANY human being.
I am thrilled that our son is fortunate enough to know his great grandparents, I love that JG is close to his Dad and that my DH is such a willing participant on this long journey of parenthood. I only hope that we will be able to teach JG and future generations that the breadwinner/homemaker - hunter/gatherer roles are not related to gender but, are a collaborative effort between two hard-working, amazing people who want the best for their children.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment