Guilty As Charged...I Rest My Case!

When I was pregnant with our first child I had a close friend (whose opinion's I value highly) advise me that "You truly don't know what it's like to be a parent until you're knee deep in it!" Knee deep? Heck! Sometimes it's right over my head! I was prepared (well, as prepared as one can be) for sleepless nights, dirty diapers, a messy house, umpteen loads of laundry, sore breasts, a strong aversion to rekindling sexual relations with my spouse for the first six months (I'd have rather slept) and many of the other countless "joys" of parenting. One of the things I wasn't prepared for though was "The Guilt!"

Guilty for not continuing to breastfeed (our then underweight son) after only three months, guilty for not changing JG's shirt every single time he threw up (JG had an underdeveloped digestive system for the first nine months of his life and he could regurgitate several ounces of his stomach contents every 10 minutes), guilty for raising my voice when frustration gets the best of me, guilty for praying that nap time last just five more minutes so that I can have some more "me time", guilty, guilty guilty...It's never ending...

Over time I've learned to accept the fact that many of the daily things I feel guilty about are unwarranted. Our child is a healthy (and for the most part a happy) little boy). So far, we have managed to stay afloat financially and I think we have many good reasons to be thankful.

However, the floodgates of guilt always seem to open when family comes around. I love my family dearly and for the most part we are fortunate that we can remain civil, friendly and sincere most of the time. We have certainly been known to have family gatherings with holidays and celebrations reminiscent of a Norman Rockwell painting. But, there are times when I wonder if we are a little to comfortable in our laid back atmosphere. When tact and discretion are thrown by the wayside and replaced with criticism and judgement (no matter how subtle it may come across).

"So-and-so sure has packed on a few pounds lately." (of course the aforementioned party is no longer in the room or is absent from the event).

"Such and such really needs to take that dog of theirs to dog training"

"I'm trying to lose a few pounds"
"That's great...Here have some cake!" "Oh, one piece won't kill you!" "Besides it's your birthday!" "Would you like some ice cream too?" "I'll send the rest home with you!" (if guilt isn't already present; it soon will be!)

"Shouldn't he be talking by now?"
"As I explained yesterday (for over an hour...) we're looking into speech therapy. We have an appointment to get his hearing checked next month".
"Can't they get him in sooner?" "Have you checked with your own doctor?"
"Yes, the waiting list is quite long."
"Well, I just remember so-and-so's kids being much more talkative and attentive at this age!"

Me thinking....Yes, I know....Just like I explained yesterday...This is why we're doing everything we can to start an early-intervention program now so that he isn't delayed by the time he begins school (Did you even hear a single word I said yesterday? Obviously our son isn't the only one who needs to have his hearing checked!)

"You really need to get his hearing checked...Maybe that's the problem!"

Oy vey! (Me thinking again...I am very well aware and concerned about his speech delay...I have spent countless hours researching and exploring this very topic. I appreciate that you are concerned too. However, I AM NOT CLUELESS!) Can we stop talking about this now?

Why am I feeling guilty again?